For as long as I can remember (over 30 years), I drank alcohol every day. Beer being my biggest drink of choice. Most of that time I was a functioning drinker... go to work, do what I needed to do for the day, then come home in the evening and put down 6 or 8 beers and relax.
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, so this was my way of letting go and feeling ok for the night.
This was the way I was for years, and to me, it worked. But the last few years I started to slowly snowball out of control... Covid, no work, weird work when I had some, awkward video meetings, family, dealing with a Mom who started the beginnings of dementia, my anxiety was out of control. I was now drinking during the day, before meetings, and numbing myself as much as possible. I was drinking more and much stronger beer, IPA's, and putting them down like water. Then I stopped eating, just drinking.
In the last year and a half I have been hospitalized 3 times, the first time for internal bleeding, all from drinking and not eating. As I write this I have been in rehab, and have been sober for 54 days.
I pray to stay sober, I'm not used to it, I feel upside down, but I need to. I'm hoping that writing what is on my mind will help me through it. And maybe someone else?
I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, so this was my way of letting go and feeling ok for the night.
This was the way I was for years, and to me, it worked. But the last few years I started to slowly snowball out of control... Covid, no work, weird work when I had some, awkward video meetings, family, dealing with a Mom who started the beginnings of dementia, my anxiety was out of control. I was now drinking during the day, before meetings, and numbing myself as much as possible. I was drinking more and much stronger beer, IPA's, and putting them down like water. Then I stopped eating, just drinking.
In the last year and a half I have been hospitalized 3 times, the first time for internal bleeding, all from drinking and not eating. As I write this I have been in rehab, and have been sober for 54 days.
I pray to stay sober, I'm not used to it, I feel upside down, but I need to. I'm hoping that writing what is on my mind will help me through it. And maybe someone else?
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