Goodbye 2024

December 17, 2024. I can’t just do anything anymore. I just think. Instead of jumping in my car, buckling up, and driving away; I mentally and emotionally swim back and fourth in my skull, while my task at hand drowns.

The droning sound of the heater fan, and my driver seat slowly heating up, keep me in a calm physical sedation among all this thinking. Did I do something to piss off God? Why is basically everything in my life going to shit right now? Family, friends, job, work, money, health… Sanity?

Each topic takes a turn reminding me of its need to be addressed, and questions what I will do to fix each situation. I can’t fix anything. I just put bandages on things, hope they will hold for a bit, and celebrate the arrival of yet another problem.

Suddenly, for a split second, all thought stopped. I catch myself staring out the passenger side window, and I take a broken, slow breath. Leaves still on the ground, no snow, the color of the sky just before dark, the abstract shapes of the trees, the hopes and wishes of the Christmas lights; all juxtaposed against the power lines and street lights of my warm and familiar lowbrow middle America neighborhood. I can’t explain it, in this moment, this little voice in my head said, “everything is gonna be ok.” But I never heard a word, Just my whole being felt it. I put the car in reverse and drove off.

Goodbye 2024.

Personal sacred places, spaces, and things

I have always kept items and things that bring me any form of joy, peace, strength, hope, reflection or memories. I think maybe in a way we all do this, kinda like a little kid putting all his favorite stickers on his bed headboard; looking at all of them together brings on a certain emotional happiness. Lately in my life this has become a stronger obsession for me, it's like i'm bonding more with certain specific items and images and spaces. Colors and patterns now have personalities and emotions to them I've never felt before, things that are colorful and sparkle grab my attention, as if I am turning into a crow or something? Random environmental spaces allure me with their unique lighting and feeling. I'm finding myself highly grateful to little things like my pocket knife for it's daily useful purpose.
Why? I don't know. Did drinking for years dull my emotions and feelings? Probably... or is the collective consciousness transitioning into 5D as they are telling us? Probably as well. Who knows, I'm just getting weirder, and that's ok, it feels good and I don't give a shit. Currently, I am turning my bedroom slowly into my personal sacred space filled with things, images, colors, and moods that I resonate highly with. A personal museum to my inner peace, stickers on the headboard included.

Find your inner peace...