Summer 23'

I know Christmas is around the corner, but I already miss summer. Late summer & early fall in Michigan is the absolute shit. Warm, sunny, dry; flowers and plants still in bloom, but the leaves are turning colors and starting to fall. These are some photos I took one day late last August while walking through a local park. I felt very at peace that day, contemplative, ok with everything & myself. While taking my time, just randomly walking some small bridges in the park & over an adjacent pond, I remember thinking how content I felt and wished I felt this way all the time. (I think this is subconsciously my goal- to make more days in my life as conscience and alive as this day was.) Plus, the only thing I was drinking at the time was a vanilla malt I bought at a nearby Dairy Queen along the way.    

Another powerful reason.

Mid-September was my last drinking binder. I remember lying on the floor, just wearing shorts. Sweaty, dirty, smelly. I cocooned & drank for what seemed like a month; hadn't eaten for over a week, and thought I was dying. Part of me wanted to die, how could I let myself get to this state? I would talk to God, and myself, about all the reasons that I couldn't die. And thanking God for all the times He has already saved me and all that He has given me. But the biggest reason I couldn't die was my daughter, my first born; was going to have her first child, a little girl. That would make me a grandpa for the first time. I kept telling myself, "I can't go out, I have to be here for her, I have to be part of her life!" I kept clutching my Granddaughter's ultrasound photo, telling her that I will get back to my state of mind and I will be there for her. But, at that point, I needed a miracle.

A few days later there was a knock at my door, it was my Mom and my two brothers. They knew something was wrong and came to take me to the hospital, a miracle. I didn't think I was gonna last in that state much longer.

God was with me, again! God did not give up on me!

After the hospital, and then rehab, I was better and back home. And lucky enough to be back in time to be at the hospital when my Daughter gave birth to my Granddaughter. No words can describe the feelings I felt when I first saw her and touched her; it's like being in another dimension. She radiated so much light and love and new life, she is part of me. And I am coming back from the dead.

"Thank you for all you have given me, thank you for the gift of my little Peanut."